Start While They're Young

While your children are growing up there are things that they need that we may not realize. As a parent, it's important to focus on what your child should or should not do. Or how you want your child to appear to the world. While those things are good, there can also be a side that can limit your child. Let me break it down for you. 

One thing a child and teenager in fact needs is contact and a sense of belonging. Though there may be times when your child seems like they don't want to be touched. If there is a lack of that connection that's when many tend to act in other ways to get your attention. The attention is what gives us a good relationship with them. It's important that we keep them from having undone attention seeking which is when they will do anything good or bad to get your attention. Something that was discussed in my class that I thought was interesting was that there are times when some families don't really like the contact. I know my family is like that in a sense. We give each other hugs every now and then but we aren't big huggers. It may not be about the contact but it's important that there is contact given freely and learn to contribute with your child. 

Another thing your child likes is power. Now, this is where I know can be hard for parents to understand. Yes I know they are young, they don't know better, and you are in charge. However, it's important to let your child make decisions, especially at a young age. While they are young there isn't anything that they could choose that would be so bad. And as the parent, you are still giving them options, which still lets you know what their options are. If you take it away from them it can cause them to control others and rebel more. By this, I mean that they will see that they aren't given options so why should others have them. Or without options, they will do other things to get around your options. When I lived with my parents I felt like I never really had a choice which led to finding ways to get around it. To keep this from happening it's important to give choices to let them understand the consequences, which will lead to a better sense of responsibility. 

Protection is next. It's important that your child is protected but not only by you. They must learn that there is a sense of protection from their parents. If they don't understand that it can cause them to be unable to comprehend that for themselves. They won't understand forgiveness and assertiveness. That can cause them to act a certain way to other children around them. They will create a sense of revenge because they don't know another way. It's important that you teach them how to be assertive and how to forgive. By teaching them this they will be able to understand others better. 

Finally, I like to put withdrawal and challenge together. Challenge is when you are encouraging skill-building. Helping them do that can spread their creativity and will help them find their interests. Along with this withdrawal means helping them realize that they don't have to be good at everything. This is important together because we know our children won't be good at everything. But that doesn't mean that they have to give up. We need to help them know that they can take a break at things in life and when it's time, go back to them. The lesson of that will not only help them in that one activity but it gives them a sense of grit the entire time. 

Look at your own child how you wish you were looked at as a child. Letting your child learn for themselves is going to help them in life. "Happiness is not something that you have to achieve. You can still feel happy during the process of achieving something" (RM).