Don't Let Your Family Fall Apart

Being a member of the church for my whole life, I don't hear about many people who have parents of divorce. However, I'm originally from California divorce seemed to be normal. I personally have a family member who has been divorced for unknown reasons. Now I'm not saying divorce is a bad thing, in fact, I think that there are times when it is deemed necessary. Also, there are times when even though it might be bad at the moment, something else comes out of it. I know for me if my uncle didn't get divorced I wouldn't have the amazing aunt I have now. But for now, let us talk about some ways you could possibly save yourself from divorce, the effects on the family, and how to improve your own life. 

Just to clarify, divorce is nothing to be ashamed of and if anyone makes you think that way then they don't understand the position you're in. Something to consider before you make the decision is to ask "Do I want to try and save this marriage?" If the answer is yes then stay tuned! 

Going to a marriage therapist is nothing to be ashamed of. Being a psychology major something I have noticed when people go to therapy is that they claim it doesn't work. I want to assure you that those people are wrong. Most of the time people who say this only go to a few sessions and give up. I'll let you know that it's not because it's not working, but you aren't giving it time. It's going to take more than just a few sessions for the therapist to get to know the relationship better, come up with a plan, and then teach it to you. Another way to help would be to create rituals in the relationship. By this, I mean to create some kind of way that you both can communicate. For example, when you come home from work, I'm sure you just want to sit down, turn on the TV, grab some food, and just relax. However, a good ritual would be that when coming home from work you greet your spouse with a kiss, ask how's their day, excuse yourself to get cleaned up, come back and have dinner together. This way you get to let the other know that you care about them and are genuinely interested. This will help both of you because it will help fix a bond that had been lost. These are just two of the many ways you can find in trying to repair a marriage. 

If you do go down the divorce path it's important to see the effects on your family. Some haven't had kids yet but that doesn't mean you don't have other family members. For those who haven't had children yet, it's important to turn to your family at that time and help them understand your reasoning behind it. I know some families aren't as open and loving after something like this. However, don't let that take you down. Turn to a friend or someone you love that you can talk to. It's important for yourself that you get that support from somewhere, no matter what it may be. For those who have started a family, it's important to let your children understand the meaning behind it. Of course, there are some things parents should keep to themselves but as long as your child knows that both parents still love them, that's the most important thing. I know some parents like to spoil their children because of a divorce, but that shouldn't be something that is necessarily their "I'm sorry" gift. 

Now that you have decided to take the path alone, for now, it's important to focus on self-love. Whether it was your decision or not, someone you once loved and were with all the time is now gone. It's hard to revert back to the single life, but now impossible. We need to learn that self-love isn't selfish, it's important. You have reasons for it! "When the dark night passes, a bright morning will come. When tomorrow comes, the bright light will shine so don't worry" (BTS-Tomorrow).