OK. Let's Talk.

Ah yes, communication. it's the one thing a=we all know we should do but never do. I know that in every argument we think we are right, or if we find out to be wrong, we still hold on trying to be right. I get it. Don't worry I'm not gonna tell you that you have to be able to lose because trust me, I'm always the one that needs to be right. I do want to talk about, however, is communication with those you care about. 

Looking at a marriage we see one parent always having more "authority" than the other. It's pretty common and we see it everywhere. I know that for me when dad would tell us to do something we would say something like "Five more minutes!" or "Fine. Just let me finish this first". But when mom would say something, it turned into "Ok I'm coming" or "Ok give me a second". For some families, it's the other way around, which makes sense but it's not about who has more power over the other. 

Some things are meant to be shared. We can't base family decisions or relationship decisions based on one person. It's a team effort and when you put a ring on the finger. So I'm going to give some ways where you can handle communication better. 

The five secrets to effective communication:

1. Disarming technique: find the truth in what someone is saying even if it seems unreasonable

2. Express thought empathy (repeat what they said and feel empathy)

3. Inquiry is gearing that right

4. "I feel" statements

    a. When - Event

    b. I feel - Emotion

    c. Because - Thought

    d. I would like - Request

5. Stroking

These are what was taught in class and I think if we look at these things in the right way and implement them in the right order, it can change how we talk to others. A good thing to listen to is Feeling Good Podcast #65-70. We must be able to decode and encode how someone is feeling. When we don't take into consideration someone else's feelings. I know that it's a hard thing for me to do sometimes and don't really realize what I said until after. I want to change that and see people as an equal and that communication change is the first to that process. 

One good way to do so is to think about what you say before it's being said. I know that there are times when there are some things that we know are not to be talked about. When that happens we know it's because it's very sensitive to someone or it's just something people don't talk about. That's how we should view our conversations, especially if they are very serious, such as with a spouse. We aren't always right and that can affect how we speak. It can create a conflict in the relationship if not taken seriously. 

I know it has happened to me between family and friends. However, the key is to make sure that the conflicts are fixed. If we look at an argument and come back to it later can help everyone get a better understanding of the situation. We also let the person know that it's an important thing that should be coming back to. I know that if we want to strengthen any relationship, communication will be the key factor. 

When we are able to get out of our own minds and into the minds of others, we can create the start of a healthy relationship. I have seen this all around me, even recently between some roommates. But just a spiritual thought in the mix, if we pray about these things, we will get help. The Lord knows how stubborn we can be and knows the people that are put in our path. Now I know not everyone will be doing this or just saying a prayer in the middle of an argument. However, it's not really about the prayer, but about the pause, The pause is the turning point in arguments. Because we can't have a solution without the anger going away and the pause in between. It's not easy but doable!